SlapChop: Success or Shenanigans?

Just before the holidays this year, I had but two goals:

#1- Peace on earth and goodwill towards man (and woman);
#2- Acquire a 'SlapChop' (and the accompanying 'Graty').

#2 was accomplished quite handily when I was holiday shopping on the 24th. I was ran into a cluster of young people hawking SlapChopses (SlapChopi?), for less than the MSRP of $20 + tax and shipping. I can only assume their stock had 'fallen off a truck' somewhere. Contrary to my usual M.O. of caution vis a vis purchasing new kitchen appliances, I snapped one up for $15, then and there WITHOUT doing the following:

- Visiting the official SlapChop website;
- Reading user reviews of the product;
- Asking my network of friends if they had purchased a SlapChop, and if they did, what did they think of the product.

For the first time in years, I succumbed to direct response advertising - in this case, a TV spot (you know the one - "You'll love my nuts!"), without doing any research whatsoever. It was a true impulse purchase triggered solely by an infomercial. As a lass who's pretty savvy when it comes to advertising, especially 1-2-1 campaigns, I should really know better.

But come on... fifteen bucks? And it comes with the Graty cheese grater? And I can save all that money on expensive dessert toppings? It's a steal, right? God, I've practically bankrupted myself recently on those pricey toppings. I NEED a SlapChop!

So now, I've got one. And boy, does it suck. There's no directions in the box - you pretty much have to figure it out by trial an error. My first efforts at chopping (an onion, some peanuts, a red pepper and some garlic - making pad thai) were disastrous.

Slapchop results: Seduced, then abandoned! And it didn't even buy me a drink first!

Indignantly I took to the internet forums. I expected to soothe myself in a balm of other pissy reviews of this lackluster product. But to my surprise, the reviews were fairly good. In fact, some pretty reasonable-seeming people out there are conservatively praising the SlapChop. Wait, what? But it doesn't work! Maybe mine's broken?

Well, as I mentioned, there's no written instructions. But I found a review on YouTube, called "Cooking with Jack" where Jack gives the SlapChop a test run, straight from the box - just like I did.

Ahhh...I see...Watching his review, I know now where I went wrong: you really have to wallop the hell out of the handle. I was pussy-footing around with it, sort of 'pump-chopping', not truly 'SLAP-chopping'. Regarding that last sentence: Please keep your dirty-minded comments to yourselves.

I've checked out a few other online sources to confirm my findings and then tried my SlapChop again. It works! It especially works if you don't use the cup thingy and just chop directly onto your cutting board. Success! WOOT!

Wow, thanks Internet! Is there anything you can't do? Now get to work on #1. I expect peace on earth by March, at the earliest.