The futility of networking at a social media networking event

On Tuesday night I attended a lecture by Julien Smith on Social Capital, Trust Agents and the New Tribe, put on by Third Tuesday Toronto, a group for social media enthusiasts. It took place at the Berkeley Church Heritage Event Venue.

Julien’s talk was very entertaining. As for social media content it was nothing I hadn't heard before, be he was really energetic and pretty funny. I have put the book he co-authored with Chris Brogan, Trust Agents: Using the Web to Build Influence, Improve Reputation, and Earn Trust, on my Christmas list. My favourite moment of the evening was when he told us to “break our patterns”. He says that when you meet someone for the first time and then ask someone what they do for a living it shows that you really don’t care about them: you’re just making noises to fill the silence. Julien paused a moment after stating this and you could practically feel the crowd of 250 networkers freeze for a second in a collective “Oh, crap!” moment.

But the lecture is only half (at most) of such evenings! What about why we were all really there - The Schmoozing?

Hm. I must not be doing The Schmoozing correctly.

I arrived ten minutes early, checked my coat and looked around. It was like my high school auditorium: the popular kids clustered together, chatting easily and laughing heartily while the rest of us stood by and fiddled with whatever we had in our hands – drinks, laptops, cell phones... I checked my own phone for messages about ten times in twenty minutes. I had no messages. I bought a glass of wine to fiddle with (which I didn’t drink because I hate wine). The bartender of the venue must have been thinking, “YES, maladroit loners… more tips for me!”

I tried to catch someone’s eye to start a conversation, but it was like playing eyeball pinball! No one would give me a chance!

After the main event, I tried again, but I only managed to get two conversations (longer than three sentences) going. One was with a creative director who lost interest in me about thirty seconds in, but listened politely until she saw someone she knew and ditched me.

The other was with a fellow who had the misfortune to make eye contact with me and I had gone through my entire introductory spiel before I found out he was a dentist with no interest in social media (he was just attending with his wife, who was in the bathroom).

Awkward.

After that, my confidence was shot, so I got my coat and went home to sulk. But, lessons learned! Here’s a list of options I need to consider before I hit the next event:

1. Develop a better elevator pitch. Apparently mine sucks.

2. Become ten years younger, many shades blonder and 40 degrees hotter. The two women sitting in front of me were a huge success at being young, blond and attractive. If anyone can figure out how implement this strategy, please contact me and I will give you EVERYTHING I OWN.

3. Be Mysterious (ie, LIE). Tell people I’m a marketing project manager and consultant with “more work than I can handle at the moment, but I can’t tell you what projects – confidentiality, you know how it is.” Apparently this is a way cooler line than, “I’m a dedicated, enthusiastic team player who is actively seeking work”. The latter response = LOSER.

4. Invent an Interesting Persona (ie, LIE MASSIVELY). “I work for CSIS and I’m investigating the possibility that ‘social media’ is a hoax being perpetuated on the Canadian populace… can I have your business card?”

I’ll let you know how it goes.