A day in the life of a new media wannabe

Today I got up, bright and early and rushed to my computer. It’s a new day in my ongoing quest to become New Media’s best and brightest star. Follow me as I embrace today’s new opportunities to network and interact with my customary enthusiasm and flair…

First up: over a bowl of generic-brand wheat puffs (thus far, being a new media guru isn’t paying well, or at all), I open up Google Reader to see what new topics have been culled from the vast internet abyss for my delectation. Appreciative of my responsibility as a connoisseur, I have cast my net over a wide variety of topics. Thus, this morning I have 178 new articles to read, review and respond to. I quickly close Google Reader and pretend I didn’t see them.

Instead I log into LinkedIn to check my status. Eight people have viewed my profile recently. I am consumed with nosiness. Who are they? What do they want? It appears I have to upgrade my account to find out. Eh, maybe some other time.

I open up my email. A vast array of alerts clamour for my attention: new book launches, exclusive sales and travel deals abound. I pretend I’m not broke and build a fantasy Parisian vacation using TripAdvisor. Good times.

Onwards on over to Del.icio.us, Digg, Identi.ca, Reddit, StumbleUpon…

My brain starts to hurt, I’m exhausted and it’s not even 9 am. That’s a worry, because you’re not worth a plugged nickel these days if you’re not a sweet young thing blogging, linking, tagging and generally connecting your butt off. Although I ponder that using terms like “plugged nickel” in public would be more than enough to consign me to the hopeless old geezer category (the dreaded 35+). Note to self: stop using archaic expressions like “plugged nickel”, “dollars to doughnuts” and “listening to records”.

I spend my morning doing work that will pay the bills. My boyfriend Doug and I are working on a website for a high end furniture designer. He’s programming it and I’m managing the client, the assets and proofing everything. Cognizant of my newfound responsibilities, I ponder: is the website maximizing its SEO optimization? I quickly pop over to Wikipedia to see if I’m using the term “SEO optimization” correctly. Results: inconclusive. Sigh. Soldier on.

I’m vaguely aware of my boyfriend, Doug, hovering around me. He plonks down a sandwich on the printer beside my desk and is nattering on about pacing myself or something. I make shooing hand motions at him. No time!

Because it’s blog time! I edit my most recent blog post, Then I read jump on Technorati and…
…peruse some other people’s funny and interesting blogs (while wishing that I had written them)…
…confirm that Twitter is still not my medium (I can’t possible express myself in less than 144 characters) and engage in some Twitter follower envy…
…randomly browse some MySpace pages and fear for the future of humanity…

It’s now 6 pm and Doug is livid that we’re having ramen noodles and stale Doritos for dinner again. I know our division of household labour has me assigned to meal preparation but who has time to buy groceries or cook?

After dinner I head on over to chapters.ca to post a book review. No one has responded to my previous reviews or various witty comments to other people’s posts yet. Hmmm. Must be a slow week.

I’m chugging Diet Pepsi like an addict to stay alert. “Who are you doing this for?” Doug grumps at me. /ignore. Must remain relevant…

I’ve joined several professional communities online, so it’s time to see what’s happening on them. These groups often have interesting and helpful blog posts, links and case studies. I virtuously read about the legal risks related to using social media (posted by Terrance Barkan, e-Marketing Association) and an article from Business Week about how women are the future of social media (posted by Francis Li, Interactive Ontario). In between all the brain-improving goodness, I find this little gem from poster Arya Sarvam (Social Media Marketing). Love it.

Okay, it’s almost 10 pm. A powerful sense of dread and despair - I mean, jubilation and anticipation fills me when I realize I get to start all over again tomorrow morning.

Hey, the Daily Show is on. With commercials and everything! Surely it won’t impugn upon my new status as new media virtuoso to just watch a few minutes of nasty mass media television.

No one needs to know…

I am asleep. Tomorrow is a new day.

Damn it.